


again

by herondaleandpitch



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27913207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herondaleandpitch/pseuds/herondaleandpitch
Summary: Underneath the hurt and pain that Jungsoo is currently feeling lies his love for Heechul, which never went away, not even for a second, not even when he was at his most miserable after the said man had left.
Relationships: Kim Heechul/Park Jungsoo | Leeteuk
Kudos: 20





	again

**Author's Note:**

> this one's for all the teukchul content we received last week, especially the selca and winning on the most wanted sub-unit! ♡
> 
> enjoy!~

"Jungsoo?"

He flinched upon hearing a voice saying his name. No, it's not just any other voice, it was _his_. It might have been three years since he last heard it, but God knows he will not be able to forget that sound.

He spun around to find Heechul, his ex-boyfriend, standing behind him. They were currently at a queue waiting for the next train to come. He didn't know that the man was back to their city after leaving three years ago after their break-up and cutting all their means of communication.

"Ah, Heechul.", was all he could say at the moment. He didn't know what to say, so he only stared at the man he used to love, _and still loves,_ the back of his mind supplied. Nothing much has changed, except that the former long, blonde hair is now back to black, and that he has lost weight.

"How... How have you been?"

 _I've been in hell ever since you left_ , is what Jungsoo wanted to say. He wanted to tell the man everything that has happened ever since he left, how he had a hard time going back to who he was, how he had to pretend everything was alright, _and he still does, even after all these years_. But he didn't say that.

"I've been good. How about you?"

_Please say you've been miserable too. Please take me back. Please say you still love me after all these years, even though you're the one who left._

"I've been good, too. A bit busier but that's for the better, I think." Heechul said, sporting a smile on his face.

 _Oh_.

"That's good." Jungsoo answered, trying his best to sound like he is happy.

"Uhm, you wanna grab a dinner with me, Teuk?"

It's 6:30 pm on a weekday and Jungsoo just wanted to go home to rest after a long day at work, but it was Heechul and he missed him so much and he just wanted to spend another time with him and he just--

"Sure."

-

They arrived at a diner after deciding where to eat. The train ride towards their destination was an awkward one, more so the walk to the diner. Jungsoo wanted to talk but he didn't know where to start. The same goes with Heechul.

"What do you wanna order? My treat since I was the one who asked." The other man asked.

"I'd just take the pasta one with fries on the side." He answered. He doesn't want to eat something heavy since he knew he can't eat with the thick air of awkwardness around them.

Jungsoo looked at the man across him, so many questions are floating around his mind. He's done with the what-ifs and all that remains now is why.

They ate in silence once the food was served, and it's that kind of silence that makes Jungsoo shiver because of the awkwardness that lingers around them. It was Heechul who decided to break the silence.

"So, um, it's been a while, Teuk."

_It's been a while and I missed you during those years, did you feel the same, Chul?_

"Yes, it's been three years."

"I'm sorry." Heechul said which made Jungsoo stop playing with his food and look at the man in front of him.

"Can we not have this conversation right now? I... Let's eat first." He said after a few seconds of silence, in which Heechul nodded as an answer. They continued their dinner afterwards, with Jungsoo leaving half his food untouched. 

They walk in silence once they paid for the food. They have nowhere else to go in mind, but it's as if their feet automatically brought them to the mini forest near the capitol where they usually spend their free time in between classes back in college.

"A lot has changed since then, huh?" Heechul said, looking around the park. What was once a stony path is now filled with artificial grass, making it easier and more comfortable to walk and sit on and even lie down under the lush foliage of trees. There were still those benches and tables around, and the food stalls near the back but aside from that, everything has changed.

They decided to walk for a while until they sat down at one of the benches. There were barely people around at that hour, save from some students from the university near the park.

"Jungsoo, I'm sorry." Heechul opened the conversation by repeating what he said earlier. Jungsoo didn't respond, so Heechul went on. "I'm sorry for leaving like that. I know this explanation is already long overdue, but will you still hear me out?"

 _Yes, even if you will just tell me lies I will still listen and believe all of them._ He wanted to say this, but all he could do is nod.

"I... I honestly don't know where to start. It felt so wrong to just leave you like that, without any explanation or whatsoever but," Heechul took a deep breath before continuing, "we needed to move out. Mom's condition was getting worse and Dad was assigned to another place for work. He can't leave me and my mom alone so he brought us along with him. I... My mom needed me that time, Jungsoo. She needed more of my time and who am I to not give her that?" Upon hearing Heechul's sobs, as if on reflex, Jungsoo wrapped the man in a tight hug, in which Heechul could only clung onto the other man's shirt. 

Jungsoo knows about his mom's condition, during the years that they were together, he saw how the man took care of his mom during his free time. There are even days when he would come over Heechul's house and help in taking care of auntie. But what he doesn't know is why Heechul decided to not explain any of it to him? He would understand. He would try to help. _They could work it out together._

"Why didn't you tell me? You know I would understand, Chul. I really would, so why?" Desperation could be heard in his voice. He wanna know _why_.

"I've been selfish, Jungsoo. When mom was still alive, she was so supportive of us. She doesn't even want you to come over if the only reason was to help in taking care of her remember?" The man chuckled dryly at that. "When we went for an overnight trip, she was almost rushed to the hospital that day. It's a good thing that my sister decided to go home and stay with mom while I'm away since dad wasn't around during that time too." Heechul let go of his hold on Jungsoo's shirt to face the other man. "Don't you get it, Teuk? I spent almost all my time with you back then. We were always together. We're inseparable, and I didn't hear any complaints about it from my mom, but, at some point I'm bound to feel bad about it, right?"

When Jungsoo didn't answer, Heechul continued speaking. "At first, I don't want to acknowledge it, but after seeing how my mom's condition gets worse in the long run, Jungsoo, I can't help it. I shouldn't have let you go back then but at that time, that's the only thing I could think of, the only _right thing._ "

"Leaving me is the right thing, Chul?" Jungsoo wasn't able to stop himself from asking, pain evident from his voice.

"No! It's not, Teuk. I swear it's not." Heechul shook his head. "I realized it belatedly, when I was deep in grieving and I thought _'Ah, it would hurt less if Jungsoo was here with me because I'm sharing the pain with him.'_ "

"And that's my mistake, Teuk. Leaving and letting you go was such a huge mistake that I'll regret my whole life." Tears are now running down Heechul's eyes once again. "There was never a day that I didn't miss you. When mom died, I busied myself with work. Dad did the same too, he rarely went home, and I felt even more alone with the sadness."

Jungsoo let Heechul rambled and he just listen to what the younger has to say. "What I wanna say is I'm really sorry, Jungsoo. I made a huge mistake. I would understand it if you won't forgive me and that you no longer love me, I mean, it's been years, of course you no longer do." Heechul smiled sadly at that. "But, will you accept my apology, Teuk?"

Underneath the hurt and pain that Jungsoo is currently feeling lies his love for Heechul, which never went away, not even for a second, not even when he was at his most miserable after the said man had left.

"I was hurt, Chul. I was hurting, even until now." He started. "Not a single day did I not think about why you decided to just leave like that. I kept thinking if I did something wrong or if I wasn't enough-- I've been in hell, Heechul." The said man could only bite his lip to keep him from sobbing at what he has heard.

"But that doesn't mean I stopped loving you. Even if I wanted to, God knows how much I've been trying, Heechul. I tried moving on but to no avail. I always keep coming back to you. And of course, I'll always forgive you, because that's how much I love you, Kim Heechul."

After he said those words, a pair of lips met his. Under the light of the lamp and the moonlight, they kissed like they were making up for the years that they were apart, healing the wounds those years have brought them. Jungsoo was back where he belongs-- in Heechul's arms. Heechul was back where he should be-- in Jungsoo's life. They were each other's home, each other's sanctuary, _always have been and always will be._

When they pulled apart, both men, despite having their faces filled with tears, wore a smile while looking at each other. Heechul wiped the tears that stream down the other man's face with his thumb and said,

"I know I'm not strong enough for the both of us back then, and maybe until now. And I only have myself to blame for what happened before but, can we start again, Jungsoo?"

The said man pulled him into an embrace and whispered in his ears, "Yes. We can, Heechul. _We will._ "

Heechul put his arms around the other man while burying his face onto the other's neck and said, "I love you, Jungsoo. Thank you for giving me another chance."

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to vote for Sungmin on Idol Champ for the January birthday ad~


End file.
